The Difference between The True Humility of Holy Fear of Self And the Phony Humility of Repression
COMMENT: If you trust that Jesus will really rectify your desires and that in Him you want the right thing, you won't be afraid of showing your true self to others.
There would be a right fear. It would be a holy misgiving of yourself because you would know that in yourself you're a murderer and a fornicator. So when people are psychologically sick they're also unholy. And because they're sick they're trying to rely on themselves for an integrity which they have only in Jesus.
COMMENT: When you have these fears you can resolve them by knowing that in Jesus you're not like that.
You must believe you have that integrity in Jesus, just as the body is alive because of the soul that is united to it. It would be wrong to say the body is alive in virtue of itself. So we're holy in virtue of Jesus and to want to be holy in virtue of yourself is sick. And this is what mental hygiene should be. When you believe in your own holiness in Jesus that should cause a spontaneous movement to Jesus.
COMMENT: And then you get more confident in what you're doing.
"I can do all things in him who strengthens me."(Phil 4: 14)
At the same time there is a right kind of diffidence, a holy misgiving about what you want because the integrity we have is by participation in Jesus' integrity. So the resolution always includes that holy diffidence. If you see you want to kill someone, you don't kill him but you see that in yourself you're a murderer.
COMMENT: That is how you keep that vigilance.
The reason you keep vigilant is because you're afraid the enemy might get in and the enemy is what you would be in yourself. I think this lays the foundation for what your attitude to yourself should be, and how you avoid those two extremes: 1) doing whatever you want, and 2) trying to convince yourself that you don't want what you do want. The resolution is in that truthfulness, recognizing what you are in yourself, and this moves you to be united with Jesus. He said, "He who eats of Me will yet hunger"(Sir 24:29), because the more you turn to Him the more you become aware of your own disorder in yourself, and the more you become aware of that the more you turn to Him. You can see that this false depression really short-circuits everything. If you get depressed it's because you don't have what it takes in yourself. So there is always a fear of failure in whatever you do.
COMMENT: What do you do about the short-circuiting?
You see that you're a tiger and that you can't stop it. And that gives you the reason to turn to Jesus. The nature of the will is that it is moved by the mind. So if you judge you don't have the goodness and if by faith you know it is in Jesus, then you go to him. It's easier to do that when others are doing it too, living that way. When you're together with people who are truthful about themselves that makes it possible for you to be truthful. That was the reason for monasteries. So here, in this community, you don't have to be shy.
COMMENT: If you have been afraid to reveal yourself all your life and then you understand Jesus' words, "he who eats of Me will yet hunger”(Sir 24:29) you realize that your mouth is used to communicate yourself also and so you're not afraid to be known.
In the last analysis you're afraid of your guilt because it keeps you from what you want, which is God. But people think what they really want is public approval or self-approval. They don't really love society but they love it as the instrument to feel satisfied with themselves. You get enough people to convince you that you're good and you might believe it. So it comes down to the simple truth that the only mental hygiene is to live in Jesus, to rest in the goodness of God and, therefore, to be objective about yourself. This is true humility.
There would be a right fear. It would be a holy misgiving of yourself because you would know that in yourself you're a murderer and a fornicator. So when people are psychologically sick they're also unholy. And because they're sick they're trying to rely on themselves for an integrity which they have only in Jesus.
COMMENT: When you have these fears you can resolve them by knowing that in Jesus you're not like that.
You must believe you have that integrity in Jesus, just as the body is alive because of the soul that is united to it. It would be wrong to say the body is alive in virtue of itself. So we're holy in virtue of Jesus and to want to be holy in virtue of yourself is sick. And this is what mental hygiene should be. When you believe in your own holiness in Jesus that should cause a spontaneous movement to Jesus.
COMMENT: And then you get more confident in what you're doing.
"I can do all things in him who strengthens me."(Phil 4: 14)
At the same time there is a right kind of diffidence, a holy misgiving about what you want because the integrity we have is by participation in Jesus' integrity. So the resolution always includes that holy diffidence. If you see you want to kill someone, you don't kill him but you see that in yourself you're a murderer.
COMMENT: That is how you keep that vigilance.
The reason you keep vigilant is because you're afraid the enemy might get in and the enemy is what you would be in yourself. I think this lays the foundation for what your attitude to yourself should be, and how you avoid those two extremes: 1) doing whatever you want, and 2) trying to convince yourself that you don't want what you do want. The resolution is in that truthfulness, recognizing what you are in yourself, and this moves you to be united with Jesus. He said, "He who eats of Me will yet hunger"(Sir 24:29), because the more you turn to Him the more you become aware of your own disorder in yourself, and the more you become aware of that the more you turn to Him. You can see that this false depression really short-circuits everything. If you get depressed it's because you don't have what it takes in yourself. So there is always a fear of failure in whatever you do.
COMMENT: What do you do about the short-circuiting?
You see that you're a tiger and that you can't stop it. And that gives you the reason to turn to Jesus. The nature of the will is that it is moved by the mind. So if you judge you don't have the goodness and if by faith you know it is in Jesus, then you go to him. It's easier to do that when others are doing it too, living that way. When you're together with people who are truthful about themselves that makes it possible for you to be truthful. That was the reason for monasteries. So here, in this community, you don't have to be shy.
COMMENT: If you have been afraid to reveal yourself all your life and then you understand Jesus' words, "he who eats of Me will yet hunger”(Sir 24:29) you realize that your mouth is used to communicate yourself also and so you're not afraid to be known.
In the last analysis you're afraid of your guilt because it keeps you from what you want, which is God. But people think what they really want is public approval or self-approval. They don't really love society but they love it as the instrument to feel satisfied with themselves. You get enough people to convince you that you're good and you might believe it. So it comes down to the simple truth that the only mental hygiene is to live in Jesus, to rest in the goodness of God and, therefore, to be objective about yourself. This is true humility.